View Full Version : The MAN THREAD!!!

03-23-2007, 08:17 PM
After Kevin Dells and I dscussed on another topic, I have come to a conclusion that we MEN should have a thread dedicated to all things MAN. All MANisms that occur in our everyday lives, and all things that us MEN should be proud of, let it be known here.

Today, I ate a big, hearty streak!

I almost made out with a really hot(drunk) girl!!

Yesterday, I ate at BURGER KING!!!

Next week, I'm going to go see my girlfriend(who really misses me :wink: ) YEEEHHHAAAWWW!!!!!!!!

03-23-2007, 08:28 PM
I just ate 20 whiteys (white castle burgers) and drunk a LARGE orange fanta!

Tomarrow, I'm going to punch my grandmaw in the face!

(cue "Now your a man" music from the movie ORGASMO)

Just Kidding! -Tyler

03-24-2007, 09:09 AM
well i sat back like al bundy last night with my hand in my pants watching tv.told the wife to fix me a chicken pot pie and get me a beer.
trimmed my arm pit hairs a lil and went to bed.
almost made out with a hot chick?thats not how men say it.we say yeah i slept with a hot chick last night.even if u almost made out with her

Kevin Dells
03-24-2007, 09:13 AM
Im not sure i qualify as a good giver to this list!
I am the guy that wears skirts and diapers for costumes!

Although when i have the skirt on the guy patrons definietly know im a man and want no part!
So does this make me more of a man because other men are afriad of me? A Man's Man?

after 20 white castles and an orange fanta i would find a porta poddy and duct tape it to my butt today! Just fair warning!LMAO!

Gore Galore
03-24-2007, 09:30 AM
I drank PBR last night and played darts and pool.

Eating 20 whitecastle burgers doesn't make you a man. It makes you sick.

Jim Warfield
03-24-2007, 01:33 PM
Spanky! Would this be the new address of the Clubhouse of THE HE-MAN Woman-hater's Club?

just wondering?

Gore Galore
03-24-2007, 02:16 PM
Otay buttwheat

Where's Pete?

damon carson
03-24-2007, 07:40 PM
Well I woke up and smoke me a large stogie. Ate a big philly cheese steak smothered in onions. I didnt shower and went around with my hair all f@#%*# up! Told the old lady to get me a beer even though we didnt have any. Drank some orange juice and everclear and tonight Im gonna make her get on top! LOL! There top that White Castle boy! :twisted:

03-24-2007, 07:55 PM
I worked on my farm, had the tires on my truck changed today.

was working on a new shed foundation, 16 bye 24.

And spending the evening cleaning the kitchen and living room and doing taxes.

Jim Warfield
03-24-2007, 08:02 PM
Tony, You know where you live (rurally) and being a "real" man, you probably actually spent the day pouring concrete for your bunker and come April 15th you will be just saying to the tax man, "Come and get them! Just the three of us in this bunker, me, Smith and Wesson."

03-24-2007, 08:20 PM
HAHAHAHA!!! Damn Tyler, 20 Whitey's? I'd be sh%^$#@g myself all day long, but if you can handle it- I'd say your a pretty good MAN.

And wipp, your right- and I messed up. I never did almost make ut with a girl, I took her back to my place and tore her up!!! I kept that girl up all night long!!!!!

I got paid yesterday! Between 2 weeks time, I got 144 hours total!!! I love my job. And I'm rich!!!


03-24-2007, 08:23 PM
OH and one more thing. In about a week from now, I will be visiting my girlfriend for a few days. And I'm gonna pull an Al Bundy, and tell that girl to go get me a beer!! And do the dishes!! And clean the toilet after I'm done!!

Cause I'm the dominate one, and I make the rules. :D

03-24-2007, 08:30 PM

Tis a Ruger, I think :D

Seriously, funnies tthing was still 2 weeks ago, hauling 2 redneck outhouses for the haunted house. they will be part of the cornfield set. Next door neighbor made a GREAT suggestion which I will be using. Sound effects. What kind of sound effects do you get in a redneck outhouse after grits and beer?

Jim Warfield
03-24-2007, 11:27 PM
..a "gritting" sound?

Be thet y thay kal them gritz?
Shud kal them "Hemmoroid filers!"

When a new factory moved to town and were interveiwing potential employees , they asked a man why he wanted to work for them?
"Because I'm tired of working 95 hours a week at the feed mill!"
The personell guy from Ohio didn't think he was being truthfull, saying he worked 95 hrs. a week, so he showed him his pay stub.
YUP! 9-5 =95 hrs. a week driving a truck delivering feed to the cattle lots.

03-25-2007, 12:30 PM
heheh u the man brad.but anywaysince we in this lil manhole.did anyone see paton manning on saturday night live last night?he was funny as hell

03-25-2007, 01:49 PM
watching sportcenter and drinkin a beer....or 2 .... at HOOTERS! manly enough?

Jim Warfield
03-25-2007, 05:25 PM
Wipp! Those Friday and Saturday night TV shows are my direct competition!
Couch potatos are born or made? Genetics or sloth perpetrated by vast wealth from TV advertisiers?

03-25-2007, 05:48 PM
i think judging from my wife,its hereditary.i dont watch tv much but today my friend called me askin if i saw manning cussing out those kids last night.so i found it on utube.id be clasified more of a pc potatoe

03-25-2007, 08:29 PM
From hours

700-800:dreamt about going to church
8:00-1100: Slept
1100-12: Thought about waking up
1230-Woke up
1230-130-Scratched myself
130-230 walked around house with look of confusion on myface. (note: Not confused just didnt want anyone to bother me)
230-330: Thought about things i could do today
330: Put on some pants
345-700: Cracked some beers and watched nascar with some time off to scratch myself again
700-800 Fought with myself about what i would rather do Scratch myself again or get more beer
800-830 Got more beer
900-1200 Watched p o r n and belched
100-500 Sleep

That pretty much sums up my day

03-25-2007, 08:55 PM
hourly for the day:

6-7: drive to the vineyard
7-9 pick up panels and lumber and crates
9-10: begin tearing frou frou and getting the hearse ready to take home
10-11: da drive home
11:2 nap
2: unload truck and trailer
4: go get lumber and new windshield wipers for truck and hooks and dinner
8: tired as hell

Jim Warfield
03-25-2007, 09:23 PM
2am to 6:30am-asleep, dreaming of living in a Hillbilly trailer Court, having fun making gasoline-powered little cars for propelling live roosts over to henville. The hens see him rocketing toward them, rooster hits chests at a glancing angle and falls from gasoline powered rocket car.
Hens all cackle.
6:31am YYIIII! Something jumped on my pleasured parts!
The CAT...again!! (Make note to remedy this old situation)
6:35 to 7:00 take the dog for his "business" walk to, wherelse? It is called the city burning ground (down around the corner)
7:00 Massaged right wrist to attempt to make it feel normal again since the dog was pulling my arm off for the entire walk. Someday maybe I will get brave enough to taste some of the mouseheads coming out of the winter's snow and he will have to worry about holding me back on the leash?
7:15 Turn on the computer for Mr. Tuxedo
7:16 Closing the bathroom door behind me.
7:45 Opening bathroom door.
7:46 I notice Mr. Tuxedo has responded to several hauntworld posts.
7:55 I check the mailbox, no mail yet.
8:00 I pick up the cigerette butts in the parking lot.
8:30 mail comes early! Lots of checks
8:40 Polish my chromed wheelbarrow
9:20 Finally get done polishing the chromed wheelbarrow, time to take that money to the bank.
9:30 I accidently scrape the sides of the bank's door frame again, I just hate this, since next year I will probably be the owner of this dump!
9:40 I return home to find the FBI surrounding the house.
9:43 Mr. Tuxedo throws a note from the upstairs window, saying he won't be coming out. It seems Mr. Tuxedo is guilty of using my computer for "Kitty " Porn!
He claims temporary insanity, being made nutty from the fumes I had made while in the bathroom, next to the computer room.

Three Months Later....Mr. Tuxedo is a free cat! Acquitted!
I am sentenced to now wear an air-tight Depends!
I guess I'm going to be going hot-air bal-loonin (The Hindenburg was small-potatoes compared the potential gas explosion welling up inside those diapers!)

Kevin Dells
03-26-2007, 05:26 AM
Not sure if this qualifys again but last night got sick of my daughters boyfreind pushing my daughter around so i went over to their place, found a very intoxicted boyfreind in my face so i beat the crap out of him! Seriously! Bad night!

Went down to the station to at least file a report with a very rude non believing cop and as we were filling out the report the boyfreind intoxicated drives himself to the station and thinks i don't see him walk in.

He takes a swing at me, i duck, turn and nailed him again right in front of the cop! Needless to say he went to jail for assault and battery and a DUI, long night im going to work in a coma today!
Manlaw You can beat another guys a$$ if they ever even think about hitting your kid and get away with it!

Jim Warfield
03-26-2007, 08:26 AM
..and he never saw you coming because you used your haunted skills to disguise yourself as a lollipop!
(The ultimate "Sucker-Punch!")
"Go ahead, Big Boy, take off my wrapper, take a few licks.." WHAP!!

Seriously, not everyone is a nice person, add alcohol= "Instant Azhol!"
With millions of people alive on this planet, why do smart people put dangerous losers into their personal lives?
Of course I am looking at life through the "lenses" of many such mistakes that I have made in my almost 58 years of living.
"Older"= "Smarter?" I do hope so.

03-28-2007, 12:02 PM
Not sure if this qualifys again but last night got sick of my daughters boyfreind pushing my daughter around so i went over to their place, found a very intoxicted boyfreind in my face so i beat the crap out of him! Seriously! Bad night!

Went down to the station to at least file a report with a very rude non believing cop and as we were filling out the report the boyfreind intoxicated drives himself to the station and thinks i don't see him walk in.

He takes a swing at me, i duck, turn and nailed him again right in front of the cop! Needless to say he went to jail for assault and battery and a DUI, long night im going to work in a coma today!
Manlaw You can beat another guys a$$ if they ever even think about hitting your kid and get away with it!

Now that's a good manlaw. More power to you on that one.

Raycliff Manor
03-28-2007, 12:08 PM
I'll pitch in on this topic as soon as The Golden Girls episode ends! :lol:


03-28-2007, 12:20 PM
Kevin, I totally appreciate where you are coming from. My little sweetie is 8 years old, and I swear to God, if any guy treats her wrong, they will have a VERY bad day.

03-29-2007, 04:23 AM
Since you claim 20,
This guy knocked down 97 Krystals (Southern White Castles) in 8 mins.
Side note: Second Place was 91

The event was LIVE on ESPN2.
I was turning green about 2 mins into watching it.

Kevin Dells
04-01-2007, 09:57 AM
Brad and Ron,
Thanks for the support guys, things have been quiet since then.

Just wish she would move back home and finish her education already, why do young adults have to be soooo stubborn and think they are going to conquer the world when they see how hard their parents have struggled over the years!

Duke of Darkness
04-01-2007, 04:10 PM
Hey Kevin,

With daughters 18 and 22 I can definitely empathize. All we can do is trust we have taught them well and back them up when necessary. As a dad and and ex-cop, I think you did what you needed to.

As far as my "manly act" last week (being 43 years old and not in ideal shape mind you) I stepped into the octagon and competed in a full contact Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) competition for the first time. The kid that I was fighting was 22 years younger, 40 pounds heavier, and 5 inches taller than I was. No, I didn't make it past the first round, but I was beaten up in a manly way!


04-01-2007, 06:26 PM
hahahha dave u rock

04-01-2007, 08:37 PM
Better an honorable defeat than a cowardly victory. (see Bruce Ismay for more details there)

Jim Warfield
04-02-2007, 06:21 AM
..but to the victors belong the spoils!
(If they got spoiled, who would want them?)
The Victors always write the history books too, for at least the next 50 years, or so it seems?
Then the ending of the old war movie "The Victors" comes to mind in which the GI and the Russian end up stabbing each other do death in 1946 Berlin and the camera begins going up from the bodys laying there amongst the rubble(not "Barney") and up until we see a panoramic view of the entire city all rubble and burn out buildings.
The moral here? Don't hang around in burnt out wrecks of a town like this, I guess because the entertainment factor is so bleak, former allies resort to stabbing one another. Maybe they just couldn't find a good movie house?

04-02-2007, 10:35 AM
Well I just got back from a pretty good weekend. I visited my girlfriend, after I'll say that after not seeing each other for several weeks, things got a little intense if you know what I mean!! :D Needless to say, we didnt really spend a lot of time away from the hotel room!!! I got the Executive Suite, and we ended up loving it and we used a lot of that space, especially the coference table. I dont know what it was, but thats all she wanted to do IT on was that damn conference table!! :D :D :D

We had lots of fun, and stayed up all night long each night.

Buy hey, I got plenty of execise!!!!!!!

04-02-2007, 10:37 AM
It was so great, even the neighbors smoked cigarettes, eh?

Back, final 2 trailer loads. Will post pix eventually. Lots of fun.

gotta rewire the trailer lights after and add in rope hooks to the truck.

Anyone ever notice that real haunters tend to be handy? We change our own oil and do our own carpentry and painting...

04-09-2007, 08:18 PM
gotta keep the man thread goin,so let me say congrats brad you have come a long way from almost kissing her.hahaha

04-09-2007, 08:39 PM
Your right we do gotta keep it going. And wipp, this is a different girl than before!! :D And now, I've got another girl that wants me, so I'm stuck, I dont know which one to go for. The one I visited a few weekends ago isn't all that hot, but she said that when she gets drunk, she likes to have girls too!! YEAH BABY!!! So, I'm trying to get back up there on a weekend and get her drunk!! Oh man I'm gonna love it!

04-09-2007, 09:43 PM
Here are sme manly rules that all of us men can live by.

1.Men are NOT mind readers
2.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You dont hear us complaining about it being down!
3.Sunday sports- it's like the full moon or the changing of tides. Lt it be.
4.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never gonna think of it that way.
5.Crying is blackmail.
6.Ask for what you want, dont hint at it. Subtle hints dont work! Strong hints dont work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
7.Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8.Come to us with a problem only with you want help with it. Thats what we offer. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an arguement. In fact anything after 7 days is null and void.
10.If you wont dress like Victorias Secret girls then dont expect us to dress like soap opera guys.
11.If you think that you are fat, then you probably are, dont ask us.
12.If something we said can be interpretted in 2 different ways, and one of those ways makes you angry, then we meant the other wya.
13.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.
14.If at all possible, please say whatever it is you have to say during commercials.
15.Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
16.ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, NOT a color. Pumpkin is also only a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.
17.If it itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that.
18.If we ask what's wrong, and you say "nothing", then we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
19.If you ask a question you dont want an answer to, expect an answer you dont wanna hear.When we have to go somwhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, really!
20.Dont ask us what we're thinkg of, unless you are prepared to talk about topics such as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, and BASKETBALL.
21.You already have enough clothes.
22.I m in shape. Round IS a shape.
23.And sleeping on the couch. Men dont mind that, it's like camping.

Jim Warfield
04-10-2007, 05:50 AM
Comp[laints that I have heard women say concerning "men" is that they (women) want to be the number one priority in a man's life but they instead are way down on his list being beat out by such things as :
His truck
His beer
His hound dog
His guitar
Stock car racing
His "O"-ism.

Of course I substituted almost everything ever found on anyone else's list for owning and working on and acting in my Haunted House.

The haunted beer truck driven by my stock car racing hound dog with drunken NFL players riding on top of the kegs while playing their guitars never appealed to me that much.
The hound dog and the NFL players would act like they didn't recognise me the next morning on the street.
They never returned my calls either.

RJ Productions
04-16-2007, 03:28 AM
I fartted AND belched and didn't say "Excuse me." or "I'm sorry Honey!"

Top that!!

RJ Productions
04-16-2007, 03:30 AM
Not to worry, the couch is pretty comfortable!!!

Just kidding!!!

04-16-2007, 10:30 AM
You know what happens when you play country music backwards, don't you?

You get your house back
you get your dog back
you get your wife back

(John Denley, want to write a song about that? :)

04-20-2007, 09:23 PM
Well two days ago, I'm waking uo to a girl that I dont exactly know how she got in my bed, and when I picked her up. The good thing is, she was really hot, she said we had plenty of fun last night. And then..... we did the dirty stuff again! But I did get her phone number at least, and she wants me to take her out tomorrow night and get her drunk!!