View Full Version : "Monkey-Back Haunted House

Jim Warfield
03-24-2012, 08:37 AM
Yes! If you make it all the way through the Monkey Back Haunted Zoo you will have your original "monkey" reinstated upon your posterior(from whence it originated not too long ago)
Monkey Back is so much better than "Money Back", better than looking out over those unruly crowds of old women waving their coupon books and pasting those stamps disrupted my good patrons who were trying to get their Halloween Fun-Buzz on.
How do we get customers to get their Monkey-Back? Well since this is now trademarked, patented and my attorney had me tatttoo it on my forehead, I can tell "All". Simple really. When a customer qualifys we distract them for a second or two as we get into position and them smack tham across their shoulder blades with a Louisville slugger! They bend down Right Now and stay Monkey-Backed for quite some time.
For a small anal fee they can join our Banana Of The Month Club. This month's free product test is knukle-dragger's Lotion.

Haunted Castle
03-24-2012, 09:00 AM
Like, too funny Jim only you, lol

Howie Slobber Erlich
03-24-2012, 11:19 AM
I want it known that I was also the first one to do a "Monkey Back" Haunted House as well. It seems I can't get through a single day without someone stealing one of my ideas! I am now really fed up with kind of stuff going on. Mr. Warfield, you should be aware that I have contacted my lawyer about you. Expect a cease and desist order in the mail next week!

Enough of this monkey business now!

Howie "Slobber" Erlich


Jim Warfield
03-24-2012, 08:49 PM
Your monkey witneses?
what if mine are all older than yours? What if there are some monkeys on the jury? What if some of my monkeys want to monkey around with your monkeys?
My attorney used to work in a zoo monkey house, he is an absolute monkey -expert! (He had no difficulty finding an expensive suit with room for his tail in the back of it.. curled up, of course.)
I know by reputation, that he will eat up any slippery a-peel your lawyer will make.

Howie Slobber Erlich
03-25-2012, 07:41 AM
That may all be true Jim however, I just want to warn you that I have trained my monkeys to fling their poop with amazing accuracy. They also look really cute and convincing when the put on their little suits and smile at the judge. Who wouldn't trust those faces. Did I also mention that my legal defense team is made up of Jane Goodall, Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall & Mark Wahlberg? If you think you can go against that then let me know.

Otherwise we can discuss settling out of court for some bananas, a tire swing, a few new trees, 25 cases of Pampers for monkeys and you coming over once a month to help with the flea and tick picking!

Let me know how you want to handle it.

Howie "Kong" Erlich

Greg Chrise
03-25-2012, 02:34 PM
I feel like I just watched an episode of Lancealot Link.

03-25-2012, 04:37 PM
ROFL! Made my night. OMFG that other thread is horrible.

Jim, you DA 'MAN!

K, ima go wipe my tears from laughing at yall's posts. I got a more serious question to be asking.

Jim Warfield
03-25-2012, 07:08 PM
Via Screaming Villagers Conga-Drum Communications systems. Attorney's KONG & Young are grabbing the case(because the case had "Bananas" stenciled on it)
Their top flight legal secretary Ms. Ray might not be attending since she is now wheelchair-bound after all these years of being with Mr. Kong's firm ("Firm" what?)
Having studied the old films closely Attorney Kong (just call him "King") has learned a tactical lesson and now employes three squadrons of Flying Monkeys to provide air cover against any old fools in bi-planes, so we will be there!
Mr. Kong and Mr. Young have booked accommodations on the 50 yard line at the nearest football stadium, they have not trimmed the astro turf just for their sleeping comfort.
They arrive via rail road flat car in the morning.

Haunted Prints (EOM)
03-25-2012, 07:36 PM
I want my damn Monkey Back!

Jim Warfield
03-27-2012, 12:48 AM
Fresh? Freeze-dried? Frozen? Frisky? Do you actually want all of the monkey or could you be satisied with just a piece of tail?

03-27-2012, 01:13 AM
psh... good luck with the trade marks! my mom bought me the rights off ebay from an overseas business attorney / kidney procurer. i'll be seeing you all in court.

BANANAS! (just had to throw that in... [also trademarked, non-specific to font, color, size, case, innuendo, or cheap pun. steal it and i will find you where you sleep])

Greg Chrise
03-27-2012, 10:25 PM
I have contacted my attorneys, Dewey Cheatam and Howe, asked them to get me two trade marks. One for the word retards so I can be the only one that can say "ya'll are retarded!" And it would not mean anything more than I want it to mean. The other phrase would be "you damn kids get off my lawn" so I can go and sue the old man from my childhood. Bam Grandpa! You have been served!

03-27-2012, 11:12 PM
LOL! yet another post worthy of a "like" button... *eh hem*