View Full Version : Severed Head Jokes... Need Help Now Please!

03-06-2008, 04:06 PM
For this project we're doing we have a severed head in a bowl...he's suppose to tell jokes about his condition you know not having a body, or whatever.

Does anyone know any?

These jokes are for the Kennywood Dark Ride.


scattered screams
03-06-2008, 07:32 PM
Like my parents always said "use your head"

03-06-2008, 07:47 PM
From "Just A Gigalo"

"I ain't got no Body...."

Hey start with the obvious.....

Jim Warfield
03-06-2008, 08:23 PM
"Read..the back...of..the ..organ donor...card...before...you.. sign..it"

03-06-2008, 08:45 PM
"I'm the school's Headmaster"

"I love head cheese, don't you?"

03-06-2008, 10:14 PM
Hey, I actually asked this exact question on the HauntWorld Yahoo! group many years ago and got a few good suggestions:



I seem to remember there being more, but these were all I could manage to find for some reason. Still, some good stuff.

03-07-2008, 09:57 AM
He got ahead in life (or ahead of the game)...

He was the head boy at university...

You got the body, he's got the brains...

Jim Warfield
03-07-2008, 10:14 AM
"No, I have given up Bowling!"
(Too many bad headaches)

03-07-2008, 10:30 AM
"A little head never hurt anyone"

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:25 PM
I can't feel my legs!

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:28 PM
I used to say, I would lose my head if it weren't attached. Now I'm screwed!

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:30 PM
Hey, do you think super glue would fix this?

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:33 PM
When they asked if I wanted to lose 35 pounds of ugly fat, I had no idea this is what they meant!

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:41 PM
Has anyone seen my hat?

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:44 PM
I think I'm having an out of body experience.

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:44 PM
Dude, where's my body?

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:52 PM
I know they said I would lose my head over how great the haunted mansin is but, this is ridiculous!

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 12:53 PM
I'm out of my body right now, please leave a message.

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 01:10 PM
Well, if this is all we have left? Let's get a hair cut!

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 01:13 PM
I hope the headless horseman comes by and picks ME!

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 01:16 PM
One head says "B-38"
Another yells "BINGO!"

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 01:19 PM
I'm still having a little trouble wrapping my head around the "wear clean underwear" rule. Mom, is that you?

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 01:22 PM
Hey, how does someone get ahead around here?

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 01:31 PM
In a bowl?

Hey, quit wiggling your ears! I can feel that!

Greg Chrise
03-07-2008, 01:41 PM
Depending on the equipment used, I would rotate 5 to 30 different routines so the repeat customers haven't memorized short skits. Kennywood is one of those places where kids do come every year on their schools day at the park. Even though there are so many other amusements, how many tickets it takes is a vote for how popular the remodel was.

03-08-2008, 06:29 PM
Keep them coming...

Many of these will be used!


03-08-2008, 07:59 PM
One of you better have anti-lice shampoo.

03-08-2008, 08:10 PM
-Hey! Get back here and take what's coming to you!..........I'll bite your legs off!

-Bathroom? Pleh! Who needs it.

-Betcha can't toss me to the nearest bar.

-*esckeckke* *esckeckke* Popcorn shell. Stuck under my tounge. It sucks!

-Yeah? Well I lost 200 pounds over night! Beat that, Jared!

03-08-2008, 08:12 PM
If ya meet the witchdoctor, don't tell him I'm here.

03-08-2008, 08:18 PM
Saying "where do I get ahead around here" is the leading cause of lost fingers.

03-08-2008, 08:31 PM
-Take me with you! This bowl smells like butt nuggets!

-I swear if any of you make a head joke, I'm leaping from this bowl and going for the nearest appendage!

03-09-2008, 03:15 AM
If anyone else has any please post them. I'm going to take the best ones and get the project done. We're T MINUS 6 weeks from opening of this dark ride.


03-09-2008, 06:46 AM
I bought from ScareParts and Lost more then my ass. Can anyone make me whole again?

03-09-2008, 06:48 AM
I bought from ScareParts and lost more than my ass. Can anyone help make me whole again. I know you can use this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

03-09-2008, 07:41 AM
"My neighbor came over and asked for some lettuce, I told him, Sure , help yourself, there's a head in the refrigerator".

I used to work in a restaurant, I was the "Head Waiter"

I'm the "Horse-less Headsman"

I contacted a school in England, they offered me a job as "Head-Master"

I was born like this, my folks were poor, instead of clothes they only had to buy me a hat and let me look out the window.

(as the people leave the scene) "Hey, be careful to not "head-off" in the wrong direction"

I always thought I'd be taller.

My wife wears the pants in the family.

I called a pharmacy the other day to order shampoo, I said send me over a bottle of "Head and Shoulders"... hold the shoulders.

Hey, you got the time? It ain't like I can wear a watch.

I woke up in the hospital like this, the doctor said "I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, you're stuck like this, the good news is, the guy in the next room offered to buy your shoes."

I can't win, I finally got used to looking like this, now I'm going bald.

Hey, tell the group behind you to hold up a minute, I gotta go to the "HEAD", muaaa-hahahah! (evil laugh)

Sorry Larry, these were the best I could come up with. Some comedian I am.

Uncle Timmy Zombie

03-09-2008, 07:46 AM
"I'm the "Horse-less Headsman"

Hahahahahaha... Best one I've seen yet. Spoken in a matter of fact "don't you know who I am" kinda tone. Funny stuff.

03-09-2008, 08:40 AM
This is not the type of "bowl cut" i was going for.

Killer Katie
03-09-2008, 01:20 PM
Never play "head of the class" with a butcher.
Does this bowl make my ears look big?
I got something caught in my throat.... my chainsaw.
I fell head over heels for this girl... she kept the heels
I lost my job and got severed pay.
Getting divorced usually costs an arm and a leg...I need a better lawyer.
Hey baby, wanna neck? Me too!!
I'd fight back, but I don't have the guts.
My worst fear... my body went before my mind.

Just tossing them out there!

03-09-2008, 01:31 PM
Getting divorced usually costs an arm and a leg...I need a better lawyer.

My new favorite.

03-09-2008, 03:57 PM
Hey baby, wanna neck? Me too!!

This one's my favorite, wish I'd thought of it.


03-09-2008, 04:34 PM
Ya know, I invented Mr. Potato Head.

03-09-2008, 04:52 PM
I thought you could have used that? Skull sitting in bowl on table skull says. Hey I lost my azz dealing with ScareParts. Is there anyone who can make me whole again? Larry you know this is a good thing for the skull to say!!!! Oh wait you wanted a joke and if he said that he would be telling the truth!!!!!!!! Come on Larry use it. You dont have to say ScareParts just say Keith

Jim Warfield
03-09-2008, 06:25 PM
"Have you seen Doctor Hill? I NEED to find him. He knows what I need and I need it Now!" (Remember "Reanimator?" "Doctor Hill?" Inside joke, the Doc introduced the world to a new sexual technique only for the headless.

03-09-2008, 07:38 PM
$200 a month and this is the view I get?

Greg Chrise
03-09-2008, 10:46 PM
Just have them bust off into "It's a small world after all" Some are mumbling under the Pile so that's like humming. Then one goes inta a scat man routine for a while and they all shut up and then start again once the crazy head has resumed control of himself.

Or one is singing it's a small world and the rest boo, Dude, cut that out, your at Kennywood, get it together. Man!

Or the heads are the foot ball team! Voice over guy, Okay team, you've just won the big game! So where are you going now?! KENNYWOOD! Another one muffles _-----------_ after they all spoke in unison, one justifies: Sorry, he's a little slow. Maybe he can't hear good under the pile.

Another one: Yeah down in the bowels of the bowl. Others giggle.

Greg Chrise
03-09-2008, 10:54 PM
I still like that one John Denely mini haunt at Transworld years ago.

The people come by " Hey, there's people here!" "Quick, make it look like your an animatronic! They'll never know!" They just go through some kind of robot repeating movements.

Jim Warfield
03-10-2008, 12:25 AM
Scare people with the severd head, make it real, have it speak French!
"Queen! The people have no bread."
"Then let them eat cake!"
"Now we eat headcheese Mareah Diareaha!"