View Full Version : I Am SO "Smooth!"

Jim Warfield
06-29-2008, 08:08 PM
This afternoon a woman and a young girl showed up for a tour.
I asked the woman how she liked her car? (Prius electric) She loves it and had just driven here from Conneticut! Getting 52 MPG!
They had arrived at closing time so I figured nobody else would be joining their tour.
I felt in really good voice, I took alittle more time speaking, ennuciating and near the end of the front room routine she said,"You are really smooth! Smooth enough to appear on stage in Vegas!"
Yes I guess I was being pretty smooth, right here in my own house, no other distractions or strange problems to break concentration and an audience of two!
Sure just like performing in Vegas!
I couldn't stop laughing for quite awhile!
The only saving factor is that she seems to be a very intelligent person and she really probably meant what she said as a compliment, albeit unrealistic , thereby bogus for all intents and purposes and sea lions.
"Purposes! In Tents! And Sea Lions!"
SEE IT NOW! Watch the old haunted house goon attempt to feed the wild critters! Which appendage will he be sacrificing to them today?"
Then 3 more customers did show up!?
Then I told all of them about the extreme (and bogus) compliment I was given about three years ago.
We were giving a free tour to some very poor entertainers who were riding a raft down the Miss. River, we gave them rides to our house, didn't charge them for anything, then some of them (who were supposed to be professional "entertainers") turned out to be the most crappy and stupid audience, making noises, not shutting up for anyone, so I got mad and told them in no uncertain terms just how pissed off they had made me!
Later as I was driving them back to their raft the one guy said I was the best actor he had ever seen!
"The way you commanded everyon'e attention in the room, Jim, how do you do that?"
"I was not acting! I was throughly mad at you people!"

Maybe to some people everything is just an act?

damon carson
06-30-2008, 04:14 PM
Its amazing what a little exlax can do Jim! LOL! I would like to see you handle a group like that drunk Louis and Clark you mentioned. Ha ha ha ha!

Jim Warfield
06-30-2008, 07:12 PM
When I used to video tape my first room one night a local farmer , his wife and some friends were all there infront of the camera. The farmer was trying to be a smart-azz and everything he said in this vein I turned around and put it back upon him for maximum humorous efect, making him seem to be a dumbazz of course!
His Wife and the others could not stop laughing at him and yet he proceeded under the assumption that eventually he would carry the day and end up somehow getting the better of me in the silliness and insult contest sort of thing happening .
I out-trained him, have much more practise at this, it wasn't a fair confrontation, but then who wants anything to ever really be "Fair?"
"Stimulating?" Yes! "Fair?" Never.

Greg Chrise
06-30-2008, 09:36 PM
Dude, the only way you could be any smoother would be to shave all your body hair and make dolphin noises. Warning to customers, do not stick anything in the blow hole.

07-01-2008, 12:33 AM
And stay away from the dorsal blow hole. The gasses from there are deadly.

Frighteners Entertainment
07-01-2008, 10:07 AM
Jim, glad you didn't mention anything about your hind quarters. :p

Jim Warfield
07-01-2008, 01:08 PM
Jim's Acting School (every night) Does see me doing my imitation of "Diarhea" and accidently Chitting my pants. (Take a customer pleasing tip here, they Love it!)
For maximum effect timing and ennuciation is important, maybe I need to use more time between my words because the concepts I am telling are rather unusual and uncommon and most ears and brains need the time to comprehend fully.
Last night was fun!
The guy stepped back from the potentially fearful situation, then after he watched her survive it , he stepped forward and said, "I live for adrenaline rush!"
(But if that was true, wouldn't he have insisted in being first rather than last?)