View Full Version : A Fun-Drunk Tonight!

Jim Warfield
08-18-2009, 12:27 AM
This guy has been coming to see my house since 1987. He is a fun,funny drunk, who tonight I pointed out as really just being a robotic manniquin with a laugh-track installed. Everyone else in the room had a good laugh at this because the drunk guy never stops smiling and laughing at all, well hardly ever.
Earlier before the other 9 people showed up for their reservation I was alone with just the drunk and his woman friend.
I told them we had a very unusual situation tonight, our old hound dog bitch is in heat and needs some of that special attention..so if anyone would like to help her out , just give me some sign so I know, get up. walk toward me?
Of course then I pushed a button and made them both move to my desire! hahahaah!
Later on infront of mixed company of strangers I would be found whispering side comments to him about local dogs, ex cetra that he may find interesting, which got a laugh from him and his woman and a sense of mystery from the other people.
When I overheard him saying that my Dragon Shower bathtub used to be upstairs, I knew that he had been here a Long time ago. (An ex of mine didn't like it.)

damon carson
08-19-2009, 10:02 AM
Jim I never thought I would ever hear you speak such words!!! A fun drunk??? What in the hell!!! Were you hitting the sauce as well???

Jim Warfield
08-19-2009, 06:39 PM
"Fun Drunks"
I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't want to share the credit.
It's MY Ideas not the alcohol's. Like them or hate them or wonder why I even bothered...it is still of me and of my doing, thinking.
Mr. "Fun" told me about his former employer who did custom farming (plowing, corn picking).
He built a machine shed into a pretty fancy bar, probably had at least $200,000 in it.
The Police didn't like the number of "Fight" calls they had to respond to at this bar, they began threatening the owner with ..? "Stuff"
So just to show everybody what kind of a guy he is, the owner picked out his biggest bulldozer and drove right through his own bar several times destroying everything.
I asked another bar owner if this was true? It is.
It was located maybe 18 miles from me, across the river.
If it was my bar I would have stopped the dozer half-way through the wall and repaired the bar around it! What a "Conversation Piece"!

damon carson
08-25-2009, 01:42 PM
Thats insane! He should have hired a lawyer and got the police off of his back. How stupid to drive a bulldozer through the bar! Either he was really dumb or just had more money than sense. I know you dont drink Jim but for someone who doesnt you sure have alot of spirits in your house! LOL!

Jim Warfield
08-29-2009, 08:00 AM
Aug. 28th, the date 8 years ago I was killed by the sausage truck!
I put a message on the answering machine that the first 8 customers here at 7pm would get in for $8.00.
I had a really fun late group and only two of the seven had been here before. Ad-libbing for an adult tour is so much fun!
Calling myself "The Home Owner" became "Homo-Owner" in one young man's ears so I asked him how many of them did he "own"? (And what was his cute girlfriend sitting beside him going to do about it now that she knew!!?)
This turned out to be the same young man the rest of his group seemed to be picking on and the same guy who continually threatened to punch me if I scared him!
I did scare him all through the place, doing it so quickly and unexpectedly that his punch never got uploaded or downloaded!

damon carson
08-29-2009, 11:39 AM
Ya I always love the customers who threaten to do bodily harm. They are the ones I let know first before they ever step in the door. You touch one person you will be out quicker than you came in.

Jim Warfield
08-29-2009, 02:22 PM
"Knocked Out?"
Not any of that "Knocked-Up" stuff, please!

I got my new backyard "toy" assembled and then sold 6 tickets and got to tell the tickey holders that they will be the first customers to see the item. It's bright RED! Can't miss it.
Of course when I was building it I test fitted the parts numerous times then today one major bracket refused to work like it did before!?
Of course it was all my fault...who else could I possibly blame?
Remember the Beatles lyrics? "A bad little kid just moved in to my neighborhood."
This item would be the ultimate bad little kid's "Toy".
Some of it's parts/pieces are from a Chevy Citation, a 1950 Hudson,a Mount Carroll streetlight, a bike, and some farm impliment steel.
The finished product doesn't give away any of it's pieces/parts lineage either.
..and that's all I'm going to say.