*I wrote this because of some trends I've noticed. Please don't take it too seriously. I personally have participated in at least 80% of the activity I lampoon below. I tease because I love!
THE FOUR SEASONS OF THE HAUNT WORLD FORUMS:
WINTER:
- For a two-week period immediately following Halloween there is a happy lull… Immediately followed by:
- People start posting about upcoming haunt conventions... Comparisons are made, everyone defends their favorite convention while attacking the others, feelings are hurt.
- A newbie writes a post asking how to finance a haunt.
- Jim W. posts some strange but funny comments about snowmen.
- Someone sings the praises of Allen H.
- Someone writes an article or post that annoys Larry K.
SPRING:
- The forums basically become a middle-aged Facebook, where people post hourly updates about which convention they're attending, where they'll be staying, and where they'll be drinking. The posts look almost identical to forums about upcoming college Spring Break, except instead of packing swimsuits, people are packing skull masks.
- 2/3 of the forum's users are bored to tears, because they won't be attending any conventions this year. The reasons for their non-attendance are one of the following:
A) They can't afford it
B) They can't get the time off of work
C) Their mom's won't let them travel alone (but they pretend it's A or B)
- A newbie writes a post asking how to find a location to start a haunt.
- Jim W. posts some strange but funny comments about pollination.
- Someone sings the praises of Allen H.
- Someone writes an article or post that annoys Larry K.
SUMMER:
- The conventions are over, so various people write in-depth (but completely biased) "reports" about the convention they attended. More feelings are hurt.
- Haunt owners start to complain about late or missing shipments from vendors.
- A newbie writes a post detailing their "master plan" for their new haunt. The only things in the "plan" are descriptions of room themes, and a lengthy (but completely derivative) backstory.
- Tater will write a terribly offensive post as Granny, but no one will complain because Granny is not meant to be taken seriously. Unless it's a post about fog. Granny is deadly serious about fog.
- Jim W. posts some strange but funny comments about bikinis.
- Someone sings the praises of Allen H.
- Someone writes an article or post that annoys Larry K.
FALL:
- The total amount of posts decrease to due people actually spending time working on their haunts instead of haunting the forums.
- Haunted Overload posts "build photos" of their newest massive wooden structures. They make most other haunts look like they're miniatures made of paper mache.
- Haunt owners start making threats regarding their missing shipments from vendors. Many hateful voice-mails are left. Vendors don't hear them because they stopped checking their phones in late July.
- A newbie writes a post in early September asking if it's too late to get a new haunt constructed by October.
- Jim W. posts some strange but funny comments about apple cider.
- Someone sings the praises of Allen H.
- Someone writes an article or post that annoys Larry K
THE FOUR SEASONS OF THE HAUNT WORLD FORUMS:
WINTER:
- For a two-week period immediately following Halloween there is a happy lull… Immediately followed by:
- People start posting about upcoming haunt conventions... Comparisons are made, everyone defends their favorite convention while attacking the others, feelings are hurt.
- A newbie writes a post asking how to finance a haunt.
- Jim W. posts some strange but funny comments about snowmen.
- Someone sings the praises of Allen H.
- Someone writes an article or post that annoys Larry K.
SPRING:
- The forums basically become a middle-aged Facebook, where people post hourly updates about which convention they're attending, where they'll be staying, and where they'll be drinking. The posts look almost identical to forums about upcoming college Spring Break, except instead of packing swimsuits, people are packing skull masks.
- 2/3 of the forum's users are bored to tears, because they won't be attending any conventions this year. The reasons for their non-attendance are one of the following:
A) They can't afford it
B) They can't get the time off of work
C) Their mom's won't let them travel alone (but they pretend it's A or B)
- A newbie writes a post asking how to find a location to start a haunt.
- Jim W. posts some strange but funny comments about pollination.
- Someone sings the praises of Allen H.
- Someone writes an article or post that annoys Larry K.
SUMMER:
- The conventions are over, so various people write in-depth (but completely biased) "reports" about the convention they attended. More feelings are hurt.
- Haunt owners start to complain about late or missing shipments from vendors.
- A newbie writes a post detailing their "master plan" for their new haunt. The only things in the "plan" are descriptions of room themes, and a lengthy (but completely derivative) backstory.
- Tater will write a terribly offensive post as Granny, but no one will complain because Granny is not meant to be taken seriously. Unless it's a post about fog. Granny is deadly serious about fog.
- Jim W. posts some strange but funny comments about bikinis.
- Someone sings the praises of Allen H.
- Someone writes an article or post that annoys Larry K.
FALL:
- The total amount of posts decrease to due people actually spending time working on their haunts instead of haunting the forums.
- Haunted Overload posts "build photos" of their newest massive wooden structures. They make most other haunts look like they're miniatures made of paper mache.
- Haunt owners start making threats regarding their missing shipments from vendors. Many hateful voice-mails are left. Vendors don't hear them because they stopped checking their phones in late July.
- A newbie writes a post in early September asking if it's too late to get a new haunt constructed by October.
- Jim W. posts some strange but funny comments about apple cider.
- Someone sings the praises of Allen H.
- Someone writes an article or post that annoys Larry K
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