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Hypothetical Full Time Haunt Job

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  • #31
    When I was trying to buy my house and even after I bought it some local people were trying to put a sincere tone in their voice when they would advise me to go try this "Haunted House Thing" in "California , or somewhere?"
    (They really just wanted to see me leave town)
    In California , and alot of other places, I may have been able to afford to buy the front door of a house similair to this one?
    It would be tough for the first dozen years , living in the mailbox, haunting the front stoop, slowly building my reputation, establishing a happy customer base, finally moving to the threshhold of the front door, maybe mounting a fog machine on the other side of the door, shooting fog around the cracks of the door, microscopic horrific artwork like miniture tatoos all over the door unnoticable until you get right up next to it, highly trained insects flitting into women's bun hair-do's from the transom landing pad.
    People would be able to tell if I was home or away because my bloat-gas-powered unicycle would be hanging on the front door, disguised as an antique, twitching hatchet.
    I was told about a home owner in California who was on the HG-TV show "Extreme Homes" (same show I was on) who had a front door that was worth $800,000.oo!!?????
    For that price tag it must have been a removable surf board-flying carpet-super computer anti-terrorist device that also opened cans and raised ferrets in it's down-time?
    No, I couldn't afford THAT front door.
    hauntedravensgrin.com

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    • #32
      Meanwhile in Hauntopia....

      Completely surrounding my house I have diseased irrate ferrel fanged monkeys that have a red glow to their eyes, screaming, jumping up and down and howling, forming little hordes beating the poly unsaturated fat out of all the twinkies and splattering everywhere. With in seconds all nature of bugs are attracted to the sugary substance.

      Somewhere near the planet Jupiter, a craft nears the immense gravitational field that will determine orbit sequence.

      Sorry Jim, I can't do that. says the onboard computer.
      sigpic

      Another fabulous post from the U.S.Department of Wild Imaginings, now in spectaclar stereo, sponsored by the Adhesives and Sealants Council, suggesting ways to stick things together since the 1800s. Not fabulous in a gay way. Your results may vary. Illinois residents add 8% sales tax. These posts have been made by professional post makers, do not try this type of posting on your own without extensive training, lovely assistants and a trusty clown horn.

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      • #33
        Well the Jupiter Store that was in Freeport, Illinois only mostly sold immitation Tupperware and underware (ever get your underware caught in the Tupperware?)
        If Jupiter is all about underware and Tupperware...our planet will be safe from rabid monkey invasion.. if they show up you will know them, those rabid monkeys in underware wearing Tupperware bowls as helmets will be the tip-off.
        hauntedravensgrin.com

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