I need a woman!

[graystone]

I have tried the Bama ladies and I love them. But I want a crazy haunt chick thats a lady by day and a wild chilc by night. I don't want an old one maybe 30-35 give or take a few years. Ladies drop me a line. Hell we will go over to Larry's for dinner! I don't want marrage JUST SOME CRAZY FUN! Does this sound like a personals ad? Hummmmmmmmmm Shane. and its Puttin On The Ritz Shane this time!

[Smiley]

I've heard Granny's available...

http://www.haunttube.com/view_video....3f42943881c655

I'd say she's right up your alley.

[mindtumor]

I am not into wild women. My wife isn't wild, my kids are though.

[shawnc]

Try Craigslist

Be sure to leave out the part about the cemetary sex.

[Spookyfinder]

Shane, Shane, Shane, What has gotten into you? It sounds like its Horny Shane this time, but it had better be Putting on the Protection Shane this time!

[Jim Warfield]

Don't blame Shane, in all my haunted years of experience a great percentage of the female population will never want anything to do with a haunted house situation, it is sort of basically unnatural to the common female outlook on life.
Although a much higher percentage of females come through my haunted house than males ever had.
Last night 10 people were here, all female! This afternoon 4, all female.
Guys aren't supposed to show fear in our society so they are nervous they might fail that test infront of their friends or girlfriend, so they stay away often times.
good Luck, Shane. Be sure and ask "Her" about her history as far as times spent medicated or locked away. No surprises are good .

[graystone]

Omggggggggggg

I knew this thread would have some funny stuff in it!!!!!!! Oh yes and for the chick that sent me the nude pics!! Ummmmm I am sorry but something tells me that there may be a little thing that comes with you! I think the word that I am looking for is STD. Shane and its I am going to go throw up Shane this time!

[Jim Warfield]

I have heard their ad many times. STD florist?
Does she have suspicious fauna?
Spray for them bugs!
Oh, no, it's plastic fauna! Must be plastic bugs too, or else real stupid bugs!

When you said she comes with something extra I was thinking you could see some extra equiptment, not on the invoice!
Think of it as a Bone-us!

[Spookyfinder]

its I am going to go throw up Shane this time!

So how do you throw up yourself? I guess you would have to eat yourself in order to do that. But if you could do that, then you wouldn't really need a woman, would you? Totally kidding!

Am I starting to fit in with everyone else yet? I'm trying!!!

[Greg Chrise]

Karma is a real bitch. I left my 50 year old girl loose but, the two 25 year olds I should have got back never showed up to replace her. Ones with jobs and cars, cell phones and good credit, maybe dental plans?

It takes decades of stalking to find the right one.

[graystone]

Well I thought

I found the perfect chick! Last night I cooked dinner for her. Then we watched a horror movie. She got scared and by the end of the movie was actually sitting in my lap. Then all seemed right with the world. I deemed the lights and man on man was it on. We went to my bedroom for some real action and everything was going great. I was right in the middle of some foreplay when I kinda bit her on the ear and all of the sudden air started leaking and she flew out the window!!!!! And just my luck she was the last one in the store!!! Now I am back here looking for the perfect chick!!! Come on ladies I know your out there. Shane and its out of duct tape Shane this time.

[Greg Chrise]

Shane,

It sounds like you have had an exciting evening...about as exciting as it gets in the haunted community. Good luck with your search.

In all of my travels haunt related I have found the only women excited to talk to you are married. Or they are too young. The single hanger outers are too stupid to say hello and have developed some kind of dramatic anti social sneer that in any other circles would justify spearing their head to a wall so they don't offend anyone else ever again. Other solutions seem to be hanging them on a fence so others so rude are warned away or going through with the whole cut off the head and burn it scenario so others are not similarly infected.

You might be able to talk them out of their shell throught the false security of the computer key board. At all the dinners and convensions the only time single women will converse is to get you out of their way because they are moments away from throwing up from too much drinking.

To start off with you should put out some positive points of why they should want to meet you. All I can come up with is that I have a puppy, live in a secured compound and once global warming melts all the polar ice, where I live in North Texas will be beach front property.

[lurker]

Here is your solution...
http://www.zombieharmony.com/

[Greg Chrise]

Shane,

Just go find her and try to "mend" things up..... with a vinyl repair kit. Otherwise you are into serious gas money traveling to see an internet meet up or worse yet have a relationship where you have to go earn some money, keep the refrigerator stocked to 4 star quality, buy them a car, then buy them car parts and then spend days installing the stuff and if you don't, you aren't really a friend and are SO expendable.

Meanwhile your own cars are up on blocks or need some work and no one is coming by to just play mechanic for the fun of it. No it's all about them. Just get a puppy, a broadband internet connection and a vinyl repair kit. The three should not be used at the same time but, they have great purposes seperately.

ei. Don't glue up your puppy or pet it while on the internet.

[graystone]

Mistress!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I just noticed that LMAO!!! Typo, typo.typo!!!!! Shane and its out of white out Shane this time!