snappy comebacks

[thehangman]

I'm an owner but I also suit up as a Crazed Doctor, I usually harass the crowd waiting in line. Not bragging but I am really quick with come backs...
Last night a some rude punk shouted out "Your costumes gay!"
I said "really I like yours but whose dressed as the other end of the horse?"
Oh my god everyone in line let out a laugh and just OOOOOHHHH.
This guy couldn't find a hole big enough to crawl in.

[Damien Warwick]

well we are a UV haunt and I have contacts that make my eyes glow yellow under UV (and if they wear the 3d glasses they appear to pop out of my head a bit lol) any time I get a comment on my eyes i like to say "Thank you, they were my mothers....she didn't like me taking them from her."

...then we had a girl who...well heres how my room works...i get in their face very anthony hopkins like...all monotone and just freak um out...then my creature comes out and finishes um off....I had a girl totally freaked she was like as down on the ground as she could get even from me alone lol and when he came out she lost it...everyone else in the group was just laughing hysterically....I never broke eye contact with her and shes like "what do you want I'll do anything" And I just had this sick smile on my face and said..."The said thing is...(i get really close now and whisper so everyone can hear)...you havent even seen anything yet." THE GROUP GOES CRAZY!

[Jim Warfield]

Reading your post had me feeling like I just met my acting brother!
Dealing in creating anticipation and fear through subtle looks and expressions, voice inflections and timeing of those much anticpated weird words! YES!
I have been told that some think I resemble Dr. Lector, I think I resemble Jim Warfield, a much scarier creature! (once they get to "No"! me!)
Aren't compliments nice!
This season I had people complimenting my house, as first time visitors, as they were leaving just the first room! (There is alot going on in that room for the ten or fifteen minutes they are in it.)
Then I got to say that line about "You ain't seen nothing yet!"
Then there is the classic simple line when the customer asks, "Where do I go?"
"In your pants!"

[Ken Spriggs]

Well as I tell my actors......do what I say not what I do....

When I am in costume.....and I get hecklers.....I give them the big fu really loud.......then come back with the chainsaw in a few minutes.

It works for me


My best one though honestly?
When ever anyone asks about working the haunt
How much money
You can't touch me
and any other question you can think of..........

Just tell them you don't work there.......or say.....you mean I could have a job here?
Makes even the big boys wonder

[Jim Warfield]

When a customer has seen a great portion of my place, in which I have built, drawn, arranged 99% of what they have been looking at and they say something like"You must be crazy!"
I like to respond with something like:"I didn't just pay you to see the inside of your house."
This is "My House" for the last 21 years, I live here too.
Maybe such stupidity offends me more than the rest of you for those reasons just given.
Some people just have to say something and it's funny how people who will never ever meet one another recite one another's lines so often!
"Do you live in this house?"
"Yes."
"Do you sleep in this house?"
"Oh. all you groupies always want to know where I sleep!"
"Where do you sleep?"
"In the attic, upside down, hanging from a steel hook."
(This way if I wet myself while asleep the steel hook won't get rusty.)

[phreakout]

had some little prissy teenager go through and when i got into her face, yelling,

she turned around and yelled "Oh my god, you spit in my face you jerk"

my reply "then come here and let me lick it all off for you"

her squeal was good enough satisfaction.

[Jim Warfield]

Maybe she realised that if you spit enough volume and then she waited too long for you to begin "licking" that you might have to lick more than just her face by then to do a good , thorough job of it?
"eeewwww!"

[Boni]

I'm a fairly tall guy, 6' 5". So when I sneak up on people and really get them, they are shocked and I hear a lot of "my god your big" or "you are one big dude"

My comebacks vary, but generally are "Now how can you tell that" or "I'm tall too"

[Jim Warfield]

The same comebacks to every group because some will be offended. I try to pick up on how what I say is being received and then proceed.
I said something this season pertaining to my manhood sticking through the hole in the floor upstairs, something about I had to lay on my back...the ceiling is 12 feet high!
I obviously turned down the big, easy money with the sideshow freak circuit.
Just call me "Lumpy"! Anaconda Lumpy?
Like the old blacksmith that would wrap his pet bullsnake around himself to keep it warm in the winter. He caused quite the excitement when the snake stuck it's head out from the front of his shirt as the guys all were around the pot bellied wood stove getting warm!
nobody guessed that he was packing "Snake" that day.
No permit needed, no ammo either.

[Dr. Giggles]

Well as I tell my actors......do what I say not what I do....

When I am in costume.....and I get hecklers.....I give them the big fu really loud.......then come back with the chainsaw in a few minutes.

It works for me


My best one though honestly?
When ever anyone asks about working the haunt
How much money
You can't touch me
and any other question you can think of..........

Just tell them you don't work there.......or say.....you mean I could have a job here?
Makes even the big boys wonder

I just "break character" completely when someone says, "How do you get a Job here?" And i look them right in the eyes i tell them "Oh what? A job? No this is community service, the security is here for your protection not ours! We do this rather then clean up the side of the road...im a convicted felon!" and i end it with a big stupid grin on my face then i usually let my hand drop down to my pocket really rapidly. They always take of down the hallway for some reason as if i was going for a weapon.