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snappy comebacks

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  • #16
    had some little prissy teenager go through and when i got into her face, yelling,

    she turned around and yelled "Oh my god, you spit in my face you jerk"

    my reply "then come here and let me lick it all off for you"

    her squeal was good enough satisfaction.

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    • #17
      Maybe she realised that if you spit enough volume and then she waited too long for you to begin "licking" that you might have to lick more than just her face by then to do a good , thorough job of it?
      "eeewwww!"
      hauntedravensgrin.com

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      • #18
        I'm a fairly tall guy, 6' 5". So when I sneak up on people and really get them, they are shocked and I hear a lot of "my god your big" or "you are one big dude"

        My comebacks vary, but generally are "Now how can you tell that" or "I'm tall too"

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        • #19
          You Can't Say...

          The same comebacks to every group because some will be offended. I try to pick up on how what I say is being received and then proceed.
          I said something this season pertaining to my manhood sticking through the hole in the floor upstairs, something about I had to lay on my back...the ceiling is 12 feet high!
          I obviously turned down the big, easy money with the sideshow freak circuit.
          Just call me "Lumpy"! Anaconda Lumpy?
          Like the old blacksmith that would wrap his pet bullsnake around himself to keep it warm in the winter. He caused quite the excitement when the snake stuck it's head out from the front of his shirt as the guys all were around the pot bellied wood stove getting warm!
          nobody guessed that he was packing "Snake" that day.
          No permit needed, no ammo either.
          hauntedravensgrin.com

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Ken Spriggs View Post
            Well as I tell my actors......do what I say not what I do....

            When I am in costume.....and I get hecklers.....I give them the big fu really loud.......then come back with the chainsaw in a few minutes.

            It works for me


            My best one though honestly?
            When ever anyone asks about working the haunt
            How much money
            You can't touch me
            and any other question you can think of..........

            Just tell them you don't work there.......or say.....you mean I could have a job here?
            Makes even the big boys wonder
            I just "break character" completely when someone says, "How do you get a Job here?" And i look them right in the eyes i tell them "Oh what? A job? No this is community service, the security is here for your protection not ours! We do this rather then clean up the side of the road...im a convicted felon!" and i end it with a big stupid grin on my face then i usually let my hand drop down to my pocket really rapidly. They always take of down the hallway for some reason as if i was going for a weapon.

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            • #21
              I'm loving some of these comebacks. I'm a guide at one of the haunts I work for, and a queue line entertainer at the other. I'm usually pretty quick with the snarky comebacks, but I have to share a story about someone who actually caught me flat-footed. I was done up as my witch character. (We were in Salem, naturally.) The costume involved a lot of cleavage, and I had a little rubber snake nestled down between the gals as an accent. One guy asked me, "What's that snake doing in there." I said, "He's keeping warm." Without missing a beat, he answered, "I'm feeling a bit chilly myself."

              I mean, okay. He won that one.

              On the topic of disruptive drunks... I actually have a different tactic for dealing with drunks, especially when I'm guiding. Everyone says that you should ignore them, but I find that as long as they're ignored, they keep trying to get attention and that disrupts the tour for everyone. I've learned to give them JUST enough attention so that they are happy, without neglecting the rest of my group. I like to give them a name like Idiot or Beanhead, and call them by it over the course of the tour. I don't really threaten them. That makes them defensive. Instead, I'll give them some kind of instruction and then say, "Do you think you can handle that, Beanhead?" Little digs at them every few minutes accomplish two things.

              One, it gives the person who's looking for attention exactly what they're looking for. It isn't really positive--I'm making them the whipping boy for the group. But, they're getting attention, and usually they just smile stupidly and play along, instead of disrupting my tour.

              Two, it enables the rest of the group to have fun too. You can see the looks on their faces when they come in, especially if they got grouped with the guy at random. They came to enjoy the tour, and they clearly think this guy is going to ruin it for them. If I can make fun of him, keeping him under control AND giving the group the opportunity to laugh at him, everyone has a lot more fun.

              Needless to say this is only one method. In general my characters aren't as serious as most, and it gives me the opportunity to defuse the situation with a bit of humor. It's easier for me to be obnoxious without breaking character.
              Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

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              • #22
                Very Good!

                I sort of tried that but many times it could not work. Maybe because booze is priced way too cheaply out here and 5 taverns are within 100 feet of my house?
                I would twist what a slobbering drunk would say, spit it back at him and make him sound stupid but if they are beyond caring if they look stupid? Then it doesn't work.
                Much of what I am telling my customers requires them to not become too distracted because much of it is "Story" in nature.
                Maybe it compares to trying to read a book and someone keeps interupting you with totally unnecesarry distractions?
                So much of haunted entertainment are already distractions so it won't usually work for me here to keep drunkies in the group if they are beyond comprehending basic instructions and courtesy.
                When I first opened I was very much in need of any customer with a dollar in their hand and I found out WAY back then, babysitting drunks is no fun, counter-productive, the next day, after a long night of that I was about shot for doing much else besides sleeping til noon. (Not good, too much to do!)
                hauntedravensgrin.com

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                • #23
                  True. Once they're that far gone, not much is going to work. Mine is usually a good method for the ones that are at that stupid stage where they think they're being really funny. When we get a total slobbering drunk, about the only thing we can do is have a security guy go on the tour with us. It's sub-optimal for the rest of the group, but what are you gonna do?

                  One of the haunts I work for simply turns the really drunk ones away if they see them on the way in. Not the best way to make money, but overall it's probably worth it.

                  From what I've seen, about nine out of ten bad drunks can be corralled, and then you just get the impossible one. There's always going to be one...:roll:
                  Last edited by Ambergris; 12-16-2008, 01:33 PM.
                  Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

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                  • #24
                    "Sub-optimal"

                    Tours? When I have angry customers demanding a re-tour because I didn't eject a distracting drunk from their group, I have just "bought" myself into some real amount of work since the tour here is usually 90 minutes long.
                    I could understand allowing them to remain if it was just a 10 to 12 minute experience to do-over.(Or if I only had to do-over a mere 10 to 12 minutes.)
                    I am always very pleased when a drunk is reprimanded by his own people because they don't want his blubbering either.
                    They must be real "fans"!
                    hauntedravensgrin.com

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                    • #25
                      For some reason (dont ask me why) i get alot of idiots that come through and try to hit on me i'll walk thru a piece of the Q line and suddenly hear "Oh whats up baby can i get ur number" or "check out the hot dead girl, what up baby." Something retarded like that, its really funny then to turn around and look at them, and just smile and say "Sorry sweetheart you're not my type" in a way that you can tell im completely making fun of them or since my character rarely talks as it is, i'll move closer and close and pretend to sniff them and after a few seconds make a grimmace on my face liek they smell really bad. Its funny cause usually the people they're with make fun of them for "the dead girls not even intrested in u dawg!" or something like that, its a great way to use their friends against them.

                      Odette
                      “Happiness is the sublime moment when you step out of your corset at the end of the night.”

                      “Actors love mental disorders, dialects, and corsets. Give them one of the three and they're happy.”

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