I was wondering what are some good comebacks to say to those smart asses or just anyone who trys to talk to you?
Comebacks galore! Too bad I forget what they were....
My "Comebacks" sometimes become rather drawn out and convoluted, but people are laughing!
Tonight a man confessed that he was shitting his pants as I scared him pretty thoroughly.
Then I asked him if he was shiting his pants or maybe actually giving birth?
He said it was going to be an anal birth.
I asked him how it could be born because he was sitting on my couch?
"Wouldn't the "baby"have to burrow it's way through the cushion and the springs if you keep sitting there?"
Sure enough, the couch shot upward and the "baby" escaped into the basement after it's extreme and quick floorboard destruction.
I then requested the two women sitting on either side of him to refrain from re-impregnating him for at least a few minutes longer!
Earlier tonight as a group was just getting seated a guy was handling a prop of mine (I don't want handled) it was a silky old curtain I ocassionally use as a shroud, it was all balled up, I took it from him without being aggressive then tucked it between my knees , then did a spastic bunny-hop across the room as if it was a normal thing to be doing.
I also experimented with various ways to say the same lines as I was seeing a new group every 15 minutes or so.
I effected a rather comedic ring to loudly exclaiming one time:"This house was built in 1870, by a boatload of limping cross-eyes midgets with bad tools!"
Of course up to "1870" in that dialog my voice is very normal in tone and volume then it goes nuts after that.
Would movie characters such as "Dr. Lector" or "Norman Bates" be scary if they didn't talk at all?
Talking allows you more entry into another person's mind , which if words are chosen carefully can give you much more leverage to scare or entertain them.
"Acting" can be just a look, or the body language but words complete what these other features of communication begin.
Of course this all takes precious time....
Last edited by Jim Warfield; 11-10-2008 at 07:46 PM.
I use cute little phrases like " I want your blood all over me", "your blood is my wine" "your time will soon come" "are you ready to die"? "I will eat your entrails and bathe in the blood of your carcass".
If you say really weird creepy stuff, it usually shuts people up if you are shocking. and for possible trouble patrons i like to say " We are watching you, we are everywhere"
Patron: "Is there a bathroom inside??"
Me: "Yea, your pants!"
Usually gets a good reaction outta people. After all, we're there to entertain right?
Hear Hear! Make em laugh till they die!
Oh the wonderful comments I have both heared and used at the morgue, as recently as last Saturday night. The two best come from my co-workers Warren and Pongo. Warren's was in response to a girl threatening to sue if she was touched ( we make it VERY clear before you purchase a ticket that you WILL be touched and that by buying the ticket and going in you consent to this, so it's a silly threat). She said that, and his response was "Go right ahead, my dear. We have a whole pile of lawyers over by the crematorium, pick one." or something to that effect. The second was
Customer: You need to go buy some acting lessons (this said to one of our best *insert annoyed eye roll here)
Pongo: You need to go buy a better hair line
From myself, there have been a few gems this season.
Girl: I like your dress, can I have it? (My character wears a fairly attractive old fashioned dress)
Me: Sure, if I can have your skin
Guy: I'd like to fool around with you sometime (I play a reanimated corpse, you sicko)
Me, as I lower my cleaver to crotch level: That's hard to do if you're missing an appendage.
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